Around hour two, the question obsoletes itself: "do I pass," "am I attractive"
creaks, subsides, then buckles in becoming "is this fashionable," "what
precisely am I signifying, what is within my ability to signify?"
Is this line useful? The moment is smaller than its frame, and She is not
what it is. From trans woman to normal woman is a lateral move.
Grow up? Sure:
[excerpt; from para. 2½]
I think that when I
die they'll put me in the ground and they'll
know about me all made of fleshsecondhand
all drenched in neurotransmitter thirdhand joy
serotonin, ADP, GABA, dopamine where it yet
persists
as in life won't know what to do with itself.
if they were the Desert Fathers then I must be
the Desert Mother
and when I die they'll put me in the ground and
I'll stay there, and something knows how I
am, there
and some
thing
aaaa a nd some thing
knows who She Is and where did She Go and
what it isn't will tell me, not my problem.
left behind, but we'll be ok where we go,
you'll be ok, promise, ok where you are,
promise, promise;
as if that would stop her.
oh man
AOL Instant Hermitage
two thousand three
boy in a room at 3
am, three sets of
blinds shut tight.
big dullgreen glow
abt egg blue plain
pulsing, (after El
liott, after Alice)
15750 whine silent.
lonely place, sub
urban elsewhere:
God is here. girl
in a room
at
three
three
girl three,
in quiet.
[incomplete; from line 1]
with love, from Jacqueline Silvain, inscribed:
(& heap up mine arms that I swung
—> a woman of no fortune, and with a name to come.